Home
by ashleygrusz
Summary: Shizuka has never been able to rely on anyone in her short life. Then, a stranger suddenly saves her from dying on the street and promises to protect her. Does he really mean it? Or is her just trying to trick her like all the others?
1. Chapter 1

Shizuka

I'm scared. I could run until a few minutes ago, but now I can't make my body move. Everything hurts.

Somebody, please, help me. Anybody.

I don't want to die here, not when I'm still alone.

 **Okay, this is a super short first chapter. It's really more of a prologue than a chapter, and part of that was that I just wanted to see if anyone would be interested in this story.**

 **I have most of this story, planned out, something which is seriously shocking coming from me. My plans might change a bit, but I will probably stick with them for the most part unless someone gives me a good idea and then I'll either fit it in or change my plans altogether. That being said, I'll have the next chapter out either later tonight or tomorrow.**

 **I don't plan for this story to go past 20 chapters, so I should probably be able to finish it by the end of February. But I have several other stories that I'm going to be working on, so they will take precedence until I finish them. I just started writing this because I don't like waiting to write something when an idea for it comes into my mind.** **That being said, I will update it as soon as I can.**


	2. Chapter 2

Mutsu

Goddamn Karasuba. After we had been released from MBI, that sociopath had decided that she would take the chance to fight me. Like I'm stupid enough to fight against that psycho. No. 1 had always been the only one who could take her on, and now even she was gone.

In the end, it took me over an hour to get away from her. But, if nothing else, Karasuba has always been persistent, especially when fighting is involved.

Just as I started thinking of places that I could lie low until she lost interest I heard it.

 _Somebody, please, help me._

I stopped to look around me, but then I heard the voice again.

 _Anybody._

That voice wasn't coming from the people around me. It also wasn't coming from me, even though I heard it in my mind. Maybe I've finally gone insane? It wouldn't be surprising, given the people that I've been forced to stay close to, Karasuba being a prime example.

 _I don't want to die here._

No, that voice is real. I can feel it.

Without thinking, I began to follow the pull that had started in my chest from the moment that I had first heard the voice. It led me to a small street.

Following the pull, I saw a girl lying just inside an alley. Is she dead?

As I walked closer, I was able to see her back just barely moving with her breath. Based on all of the blood around her, it wouldn't be long before that changed, though.

 _No! Not her!_

The pain at the thought of her death nearly sent me to my knees. That was when I realized that my chest was burning. At first, I had just contributed it to my long, fast run to escape Karasuba and then to follow the voice.

The voice that led me to this girl.

 _But that's only supposed to happen with . . . Hell, does that mean that this girl is my-_

I was torn from my thoughts when the girl let out a moan. She was obviously in pain, despite being mostly unconscious.

Well, it's not like I have much of a choice now. I reached down to gently lift the girl up, being careful not to move her too quickly for the fear that it would aggravate her wounds even more.

 _Okay, now that I have her, just where should I take her? It's not like I know anybody here except for No. 1. Wait, No. 1, she's supposed to own a house near this area, isn't she?_

 _She's been living among humans for so long that she'd probably know what to do with an injured girl._

 _Besides,_ I was reminded as the girl made another pain-filled noise, _it's not like I can waste any more time trying to figure it out, not if I want this girl to live._

With this plan in mind, I began to carry the girl to where I remembered No. 1 living, praying that she wouldn't decide to kill me for daring to step into her home.

The two of us hadn't had any issues when she was a member of the Disciplinary Squad, but she hadn't really been happy with any of us when Takehito died. Here's hoping that she's directed most of her anger towards Karasuba, enough that she'll be willing to help me with this girl.

 **Okay, so here is another short chapter. We just got a snow storm in Connecticut, so I haven't been able to write much since we need to shovel the snow in order to get out of our house. Normally, I don't like to post a chapter that isn't at least close to 1000 words, but I just don't have the time to write more right now. Maybe in a few hours.**

 **But be warned that I'm going to be focusing on my other stories more than this one and I've got to take the SATs and AP exams in a few months, so updates will probably be pretty sporadic, at least until like mid to late May. But after that, I'll be done with most of my tests for a few weeks and I'll have hopefully finished at least one of my stories, so I'll be able to update this story much more frequently.**

 **Anyway, to those who have followed this story, thanks for giving it a chance, and I promise that I'll try to update as often as I can, even if the chapters are shorter than I would have liked.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Info about future updates is on my profile**

Mutsu

I was able to find the house easily enough, but now what should I do? No. 1 was furious when she left MBI, and she probably still is. She could attack me as soon as she sees me, and than this girl will definitely die.

I was reminded of the fact that I had no choice but to trust No. 1 when the girl in my arms whimpered. Dammit, she won't survive if I have to find someone else to help her.

I cautiously approached the house, but stopped when No. 1 opened the door for me.

"Mutsu, may I ask what you are doing here?"

I don't like the sound of her voice, as though she's considering whether or not any answer I give could be good enough. But, the girl . . .

"Please, help me. This girl is injured, she could be dying, and I don't know who else to turn to."

I don't know if it's the pleading tone in my voice or if she just got a good look at the condition of the girl, but she steps through the door ordered me to follow her. Soon we arrived at a large hospital where I had to watch as a group of nurses took the girl away. It was only Miya's hand on my arm that stopped me from following after them.

I probably would have stayed in the hallway where they had taken her from me, but No. 1 insistently pulled me in the direction of the cafeteria, saying, "I'm sure they'll let us know when she's allowed to have visitors."

No. 1 and I sat silently for a time. I could feel her staring at me, but I was too concerned by the time that those doctors were taking to let me see that girl.

Worried about a girl whose name I don't even know to the point that I can't focus on anything else. So much for my legendary calm. I chuckled to myself.

This seemed to have caused given Miya some kind of signal that it was okay to start questioning me because she softly said, "Mutsu, I don't think I've ever seen you look as scared as you were when you brought that girl to my home."

When I didn't even look at her, she sighed and asked, "Mutsu, do you know who that girl is?"

I finally decided to give in. No. 1 had always been stubborn, and if I put it off any longer, she'd just become more determined to get to talk. Besides, I did owe her for helping me bring that girl here.

"I don't know her name or where she is from, if that's what you're asking. I was trying to avoid a fight with Karasuba when I heard a voice calling to me. I followed the voice and found her lying in an alley. When I realized that she was injured, I panicked and couldn't think of anywhere else to take her."

Miya seemed to hesitate for a moment before saying, "But do you know-"

"I'm not an idiot, Miya," I finally snapped. "I've heard enough about it to know what to expect. The pull that I felt towards, hearing her voice in my head, it all adds up to one thing. That girl's my ashikabi."

The irritation slowly drained away from me after my outburst. I looked up to apologize to Miya when a man in a white coat suddenly walked up to us to inform us that we could visit the girl now.

 **So the girl is Mutsu's ashikabi. Is anyone really surprised?**

 **I deleted the AN since I don't like to leave them as chapters, so I'm just going to write about where to find that info in case anyone comes to this story late and wants to know if it's been abandoned or what.**

 **Anyway, I want to apologize for how short the chapters have been. There are two reasons for it. 1. It's a new story, and I usually write, like, the first five chapters pretty short before I get a rhythm for the story and then they get closer to 1000-3000 word chapters. 2. The reason for my infrequent updates is that I don't have a lot of time, so I can either make you guys wait for longer chapters or post more frequently with shorter chapters.**

 **So you guys can leave me a review or a PM that tells me which of those options that you would prefer. Also, I've already chosen two other sekireis who will be winged by Shizuka. But I'm not against adding more to her group, so send me PMs or reviews with sekireis that you think that she should wing and a reason for it, and I might add them to the story.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Info about updates is on the top of my profile.**

Mutsu

As the doctor walked us to the girl's room, he informed us about her condition.

"The girl who you brought in is severely malnourished and dehydrated. She doesn't appear to have eaten anything for the past several days. On top of that, she has bruises covering almost her entire body, several broken ribs and a fracture on her right leg. We had to take her in for surgery to stop some internal bleeding. I've given her an IV drip for the malnutrition and a cast on her leg. She's also been given strong painkillers for the surgery and her various other injuries."

The man stopped outside of a door to look at us. "I understand that MBI has a policy of not inquiring about the home life of an ashikabi and his sekirei, but I have something to day. This girl that you have brought to us has been viciously attacked. She's lucky to be alive. She wouldn't be able to survive if she were to be attacked aga-"

When I realized what he was implying, I cut his off with a snarl. "Watch what you say. I haven't done a thing to her, you-"

Miya placed a hand on my arm and said, "Doctor, I understand that you are concerned about the welfare of your patient, but I can assure you that Mutsu and I have nothing to do with the girl's injuries. Mutsu found her already in the state that she was in when he began to react to her. Now, if you don't mind, I would appreciate it if you would let us see her."

The man looked as though he might argue, but Miya summoned her hanya mask and he wisely backed down. As soon as he was out of the way, I rushed through the door.

As soon as I entered the room, my eyes were drawn to the figure lying in the bed. The girl I had found earlier was lying down. Part of her face was hidden by bandages, and her black hair looked rough and ungroomed. But what worried me most was how clearly I could make out the girl's cheekbones, and how her body seemed to make little more than a wrinkle in the blanket covering her body.

The words of the doctor ran through my mind once more, as I realized that even though he was wrong about the perpetrator, someone had been using the girl as a punching bag, and for longer than just tonight.

Just as I was about to allow my rage and shame consume me, Miya slipped into the room. She stopped just inside the door and said softly, "Mustu, she is alive. She will heal. You haven't failed her. Mutsu, you didn't even know that she existed until a few hours ago."

When I didn't reply, she sighed and said that she would go get us some food from the cafeteria. I would have argued, but she snapped that I wouldn't be of any use to the girl in the bed if I became so weak that I couldn't even stand up.

After Miya left, I was able to calm down. I still felt the anger for whoever had attacked my ashikabi singing through my veins, but it was overshadowed by something else.

Regret.

While it was true that I planned to find my ashikabi at some point, I had always pushed it to the back of my mind. I figured that I would react to someone eventually and that I had plenty of time until then. Sure, I'd hoped that I'd be able to find some beautiful woman to be my ashikabi, but I hadn't really thought about it much beyond that.

But, if I had thought about, if I had searched for her, if I had found her earlier, then maybe . . .

I was distracted from my thoughts as the girl began to whimper softly. I would have reached out to hold her, but I wasn't sure what parts of her body weren't bruised, if there were any. For lack of anything better, I took hold of the girl's hand, and whispered into her ear softly, "It's okay. I'm here now. I won't let anyone hurt you again."

As she listened to my vow, the girl's whimpers subsided and she drifted back into her deep sleep, with her hand still held between my own.

 **Hey, sorry again for the short chapter, but I did warn you that you'd have to sacrifice size for speed. I can't wait until May comes and then I'll be able to get back to writing longer chapters, since I keep having to cut my chapters into like quarters because I know I won't be able to finish them for a while.**

 **I really wanted to thank WindBear47 for their review. I love Mutsu too. I would have just PM'd you my response, but something that you said felt like something that I should tell everyone. So, I know that this story doesn't have a lot of reviews, and I'd love to see them increase. They really do give me motivation to write. Case in point, you sent me a review last night and I got off my lazy butt and finally finished editing this chapter to post it.**

 **And I know that writing reviews is pretty awkward. Or maybe that's just me, who knows? But I'm not asking for long critiques and suggestions for my stories. Don't get me wrong, I love to see those and I do take them to heart, but I also know how difficult they can be to write. So, to those of you like me for whom words don't come easily, all I'm asking for is just a few thought-out words. Like, you like Mutsu too, or you think that I should/shouldn't do something with my story. Just a few words that tells me that you guys are reading my story and like it.**

 **Anyway, thanks for reading my rambling little speech (For the record, it's gotten easier for me to write like this since I started writing stories, just in case you're wondering how I'm hesitant to write reviews). See ya in the, hopefully, not too distant future.**


	5. Chapter 5

Shizuka

My body feels strange, almost as if I don't weigh anything at all. But nothing hurts anymore. I can't even remember the last time that happened. Am I dead?

But when I opened my eyes, I was looking into a white room. While it would have fit what some people called heaven, it was too sterile for that, I could even smell the bleach and other antiseptics they had used to clean it.

As it dawned on me that I was in a hospital, I also began to panic. How had I gotten here? If he found out that I was here, that he was expected to pay for me to stay here, he'd definitely kill me this time. I had to get out of here. Maybe if I begged them, they'd give me a few months to find the money to pay them.

While I was focused on my internal monologue, the door opened and a man with grey hair came in. Who is he? What he sent here by him?

When the man saw that I was awake, his expression didn't change, but somehow his eyes seemed to lighten. He stepped forward as though he was going to touch me. Would he hit me here in the hospital? Seeing me recoil, the man stepped back and said softly, "I apologize, I haven't even introduced myself yet. Of course you'd be concerned. My name is Mutsu, and may I ask who you are?"

"I-I'm Shizuka," I managed to stammer out. "I'm sorry but I believe there's been a mistake. I shouldn't be here, please just let me leave." I tried to sit up, and felt a burst of pain spread through my ribs and towards my back.

When I gasped, the man rushed forward to hold me down. As I started to struggle, he said, "Please calm down, Shizuka. It's not a good idea for you to be moving right now. If you would lie back down, I'd be happy to tell you how you got here."

Realising that I didn't stand a chance of escaping his grip on my own, I forced my muscles to relax and allowed him to lay me back on the bed. Once I was situated to his satisfaction, he sat down in the chair by my bed and began speaking, "Three days ago, I found you on the street. I could tell that you'd been badly injured, so my . . . friend and I took you to the hospital. They treated all of your injuries, and said that you would be able to leave in another week so long as you take it easy once you leave."

I wondered about his hesitation to talk about his friend, but decided that I should stay out of his business. Seeing that he was waiting for me to say something, I said, "I do appreciate your help . . . Mutsu-san." I peeked at him worried about how he'd take my casual use of what was obviously his given name, but only seeing him continue to watch me, I continued, "But it was unnecessary, I'm fine. Now if you don't mind, I really do need to leave now."

As soon as I finished talking, Mutsu-san rose and began to approach me. Was he angry? Should I have offered him something to show my gratitude? As I tried to stammer out some sort of apology, I was shocked when I felt him embrace me. It took me a moment to register that he wasn't going to hit me. But then why was he still here? Did he plan to make me work for him? Or did he want my body?

As I began to work myself into a panic again, Mustu-san spoke. "Shizuka, I can tell that you're afraid of something. But you don't need to be scared anymore. I promise that I will protect you from now on."

I began to tremble. How long had I waited to hear those words? And to hear them from this stranger, of all people, it couldn't be true. There's no way someone like this could actually care, could really mean it.

What he was doing was too cruel, but he just kept holding me as though it was nothing. "Please stop," I begged. "I really don't have anything to repay you with, but I promise I'll find something. So please, just give me some time and I promise I'll find-"

He interrupted me as he slowly pulled back with an almost heartbreakingly sad look in his eyes, "You don't need to repay me. I helped you because I wanted to. Similarly, your hospital fees are already taken care of. The only thing that you have to do now is focus on healing." He seemed to hesitate for a moment before saying, "I can see that you need a moment to yourself. Why don't I go to the cafeteria and get you something to eat? I'll be back in a few moments."

I couldn't say anything, as I watched his back leave disappear behind the closing door.

Mutsu

Walking away from my Ashikabi, I couldn't erase the image of her frightened eyes from my mind. One day, I swore to myself, I'd hunt down the person who had put that fear there and make him regret every punch, every threat he had ever given to her.

But before that, I'd have to become her Sekirei. And how was I supposed to do that? She panicked from a simple hug, if I were to actually kiss her, she'd probably run away from me as fast as she could. No, I thought to myself, it was going to take time for Shizuka to allow me to get that close to her, and in the meantime the heat that I felt was only going to keep growing, just as it had during these last three days.

It was going to be a long week.

 **Okay, so it's been a long time since I updated. That was due to schoolwork, writer's block, and some problems with my health. But I'm back now, and I hope to be able to update mostly regularly for a while. The full schedule is on my profile, but for now I'll be updating this story every Thursday, and I'll try to at least get east chapter to be 1,000 words (not counting my notes) so you have something to read. I might not have time every week, so you'll mostly get updates on Thursday, and I might miss some. But I'll try not to miss two consecutive weeks.** **That being said, I'll be back in school in a month, so in like a month and a half, when my teachers will probably stop doing reviews, I'll have to tweak the schedule a little to give me some extra time.**

 **Also, I've had reviews saying Mutsu is OOC in this. I agree and disagree with this. I agree because he is very calm in the anime/manga, and he isn't as calm in my story. But at the same time, there's this thing called a poker face, and I've always thought that people, in general, who are always calm are just really good at hiding their emotions, so I've kind of let that seep into the story. As in, you know what Mutsu is thinking inside, but outwardly, he appears much more composed like in canon. Make sense?**


	6. Chapter 6

Mutsu

Once I got to the cafeteria, I realised that I had forgotten to ask Shizuka what she wanted to eat. Then again, I did kind of come down here to give us both a break from each other. Being stared at in abject terror isn't exactly my idea of fun, but then Karasuba and I have never really gotten along, so that makes sense. And Shizuka looked as though she was going to have some kind of breakdown if she had to continue to be in the same room as me.

Sighing, I looked up at the menu and tried to remember everything that doctor had told me about Shizuka's condition. He'd said that she needed to gain weight, though even I knew that just from looking at her. So, something filling would be good. Maybe meat? That's supposed to help you gain weight. It's the reason why all of those girls who want to lose it try to avoid meat, right?

After a few moments of contemplation, I realised that none of this was going to get me anywhere, so I just looked at the menu and ordered nearly half a dozen different meals. I'd just bring them all up and Shizuka could choose what she wanted from them and I'd eat the rest. Even just sitting in a chair waiting for her to wake up had made me hungry, and if there wasn't enough here for the both of us, I could always get more. MBI expected me to fight to the death for them, they had sure as hell better expect that I'm going to try to get payback in any way I can before they gave me one of their unlimited credit cards.

As I reached the door to Shizuka's room, I paused to balance the various food boxes in one arm so that I could get inside. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if my going in there would do more harm than good to my relationship with my Ashikabi. Especially since the heat from my reaction to her was starting to get out of control and it was becoming very tempting to just kiss her and damn the consequences.

Taking a deep breath, I reminded myself that this girl wouldn't handle that well and, while she may not technically be my Ashikabi just yet, it was still my duty to protect her. And suddenly kissing her out of the blue when she may or may not have just been raped was not the way to earn her faith in my ability to protect her.

Shizuka jumped when she heard the door open, but her surprised look quickly morphed into one of caution as she held herself stiffly against the pillows. Realising that she wasn't going to be the one to break the silence, I decided to just act as if everything were normal and said, "I realised after I got down to the cafeteria that I never asked you what you wanted to eat, so I just got a bunch of different things and I figured that you could choose what you wanted." As silence once more descended on the room, I added, "You know, if you don't like any of the stuff I brought, I can go down and get you something else."

As I tried to come up with something to say to get Shizuka to relax, I heard her softly say, "You don't need to go anywhere." Blushing she rushed to say, "I mean, I don't really care what I eat and it seems like a lot of trouble, especially after . . ."

Shizuka allowed her voice to trail off as I smiled at her. "You know, that's the first time that you spoke to me without saying that you needed to leave the hospital."

"I-I mean," she seemed to rush to say something.

I held up my hand to tell her to calm down and said, "Shizuka, you don't need to worry. There are some things that we should probably talk about, but why don't you choose what you want to eat first."

After she had chosen the fried chicken, I settled down on what was starting to feel like my personal chair from all the time I've spent in it and started to chow down on the rest of the food. As I ate, I couldn't help but notice that while Shizuka had speared a piece of chicken on her fork, she hadn't eaten a single bite, instead choosing to watch me warily.

Sighing, I took ahold of her wrist and led the fork to my mouth. After I had swallowed, I looked her in the eyes and said, "I wouldn't do something like trying to poison you. There's nothing wrong with the food, so eat already."

Seeing some fear return to her eyes, I sighed and asked, "Well, why didn't you start eating when I gave you the food? I know that you're hungry."

Tentatively she said, "You haven't told me what you want in return for it. I don't have any money."

Feeling an almost overpowering urge to sigh, I held it back and changed my grip so that, rather than holding onto her wrist, I was holding one of her hands between both of mine. Summoning all of the control I had had, I calmly said, "Shizuka, you don't need any money. I'm not going to make you do anything to pay me back for the food. I bought it so that you would eat it, not so that I could get something from you."

Looking confused, she said, "But why?"

Realising that Shizuka did have a reason for being wary, both because someone had obviously attacked her and because she was right, humans normally don't help people they don't know, I tried to figure out a way to both convince her that I only wanted to help her and also keep the Sekirei Plan under wraps. After a moment I admitted, "I do have a reason for helping you, Shizuka, but I can't tell you right now." Seeing her distrust rising, I hastily explained, "If I did, you would probably panic and maybe even hurt yourself. But that doesn't mean that I'll never tell you, just not now." Noticing that she seemed to be becoming even more nervous, I decided to try a different tactic. "Shizuka, I know that you haven't been having an easy life for a while now. The doctor told us after he examined you. And I know that you probably don't want to talk about it now, and you also don't want to trust anyone since they could just hurt you, too. But you can trust me. I don't care if you have money or not, and I don't expect you to pay me back for either the food or the hospital fees. The thing that I want from you is hard to explain, but I won't hurt you to get it, and if you say no when I finally do tell you, I won't force you." _Not the way that MBI has forced us._

"But then I won't be able to repay you if I say no," Shizuka said nervously.

"And I don't want you to." Not seeing any change in her expression, I said, "Okay then, if you want to pay me back so badly, then why don't you let me get to know you. Let me know about your likes and dislikes for the next, oh, month or so, and I'll take that as my payment for helping you."

Cautiously, she asked, "Is that part of what you want from me?"

Chuckling, I admitted, "In a way. So what do you think? All of your hospital fees and food in return for putting up with talking to me for a month."

Shizuka stared at me for a long moment before she mumbled a soft agreement and looked at my hands, which were holding one of hers. Oh. Letting go, I was relieved when Shizuka finally began to eat, though she still looked at me nervously until I began to eat as well.

It wasn't much, but at least it was progress. And hopefully, before the end of my month comes, I'll have an Ashikabi.


	7. Chapter 7

Shizuka

When I had made my deal with Mutsu-san, I was just so happy to hear someone say that they cared about me, that I would be safe with them. I was even able to enjoy the meal that we shared. Well, the conversation, rather than the actual food.

But when he left my doubts set in and I began to wonder if it might be a mistake. Why would he want to spend so much time with me? I'm just a stranger to him so there must be some kind of motive for it, he even admitted it himself. But he also said that he wouldn't hurt me. Could I really believe that?

So far though, it seems as though he was honest. He's spent a lot of time with me since then. He brings me meals from outside of the building three times a day and, after tasting the food that he got me from the cafeteria, I have to say that I'm glad about that. It wasn't exactly bad, but it certainly wasn't good. Any time I try to say that I'll pay him back for all of the food, he always just smiles and says that we had already decided on our payment plan.

Sighing, I couldn't help but wonder if it would be better to just leave now. It's not often that Mutsu-san leaves me alone, usually only when he goes out to buy food or to change his clothes. Even though he always comes in when I've already fallen asleep, I've heard enough from the nurses to know that he sleeps here sometimes, normally after the doctor says that I should be watching my weight more or when another patient comes in.

And that just fuels my worries. Why would he sleep in my room? That chair certainly can't be very comfortable and I know that he's living with someone named Miya. He's mentioned her a couple of times, usually about where I'll be staying while I'm with him, but he's never really told me who she is. His wife, maybe? If that's the case, then he can't want my body. I mean, obviously he could, but he wouldn't do that under the same roof as his wife, right?

I want to believe him when he says that he only wants to spend time with me, but it's so strange, especially since we never met before he found me. And sometimes he'll look at me as though he's waiting for something. But what?

I sighed again, recognising the circles that my thoughts have been taking. Realising that I'd never get any answers on my own, I realised that I'd just have to see what happened. I was leaving the hospital tomorrow, so certainly I'd find out soon, and it's not like I really had anywhere else to go.

Shifting slightly, I resigned myself to wait for my answers and after what felt like hours, I found myself in a familiar dream.

The next thing I knew, someone was shaking me, calling my name. _Who is that? They sound familiar, but I don't know any men._

Before panic could set in, I woke up looking into gray eyes. "Wha?"

When he saw that I was looking at him, Mutsu-san said, "Shizuka, you were having a night-"

As he spoke, I couldn't help but remember my dream, remember the past, and then I couldn't stop the tears from falling. Realising that someone else, that Mutsu-san, was seeing me cry, I tried to hold back only to be surprised again when Mutsu-san put something made of metal on the floor and then collapsed the side of the bed to sit on the edge.

I tried to shift back, but Mutsu-san quickly wrapped an arm around me to pull me closer to him. When I would have fought back, I could hear him say, "You can't keep it in forever, or you'll only suffer from it. Let it out now while you're safe."

His words seemed to open up the flood inside of me as I clung to him. All thoughts of running away from him, of not knowing why he was helping me, escaped from my mind, replaced with thoughts of needing someone, anyone, to stay with me.

But even as I gave in to the pain and sadness I felt, I could still feel the warmth of the hand that was tracing circles on my back and hear the soft murmurs promising me that everything was going to be okay, that I was safe. Just for a little while, I needed to believe that that was true.

When my tears had finally slowed and I began to feel calmer, I pulled back slightly from Mutsu-san, uncertain of how to handle this. Seeming to take this as some sort of signal from me, Mutsu-san began to stand up from the bed. While I would have been grateful for this under normal circumstances, the absence of his warmth, of the comfort of being near another person, nearly broke me and I grabbed his arm.

Mutsu-san stared at me for a moment while I tried to find the words to explain before he laid down on his side and, mindful of the IV that the doctors had insisted I keep in until tomorrow, he pulled me against him.

"Mutsu-san, why are you here?" I asked quietly, wanting to know why he kept helping me.

Misunderstanding my question, he said, "I came to check up on you and I could hear you screaming from down the hall. When I got to the room, you looked as though you were having a nightmare, so I woke you up." After hesitating for a moment, Mutsu-san said softly, "I won't ask you what it was about, but you really shouldn't try to keep things like that locked up inside. It won't do you any good in the long run."

Neither of us spoke for a long time, but I could feel Mutsu-san shifting behind me slightly, so I knew that he was still awake. Finally, I said, "My mother never wanted children, but when she got pregnant, my father convinced her to keep me. But in the end it was too much for her, and she left us both. My father was always angry about that, and most of the time he was angry at me. For a long time, he kept it in check, but as I got older and started to look more like her, it became harder for him to control it and then . . ." I let my voice trail off, uncertain about what to say, about how to explain that I was unwanted. And scared that if Mutsu-san realised that I was unwanted, he may throw me aside as well.

I could feel Mutsu-san's arms tighten around me for a moment before he said, "Why don't you tell me about something else before you go to sleep? A happy memory."

Uncertain, I said, "Well, there was this one time that I went to a park as a child. There was this little dog there that belonged to an older couple who let me play with him."

"How did you play with it?" Mutsu-san coaxed me.

And so I told him everything I could remember about that little dog and it's owners who had been so kind to me until I had calmed down from my nightmare.


End file.
